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Hurrah for Old Hot Bands! [29 Jan 2010|01:56pm] [ mood | amused ] Rediscovered how much I like this song. =) Hot Hot Heat, they should make more bands like you. =D It's not enough to hear me say you've won You only wanted me for having fun But now I think you've gone and had your way And left me with a pile of bills to pay I can't even rewind the tape machine To listen to your drunken reasoning So here it is - your final lullaby So goodnight, goodnight You're embarrassing me You're embarrassing you So goodnight, goodnight Walk away from the door Walk away from my life So Goodnight I've given up on social niceties I threw 'em out when I threw out your keys Along with all your records I can't stand You never even listen to any one of them You're never gonna drag me out again With all the people that were never ever even your friends So here it is - your final lullaby So goodnight, goodnight You're embarrassing me You're embarrassing you So goodnight, goodnight Walk away from the door Walk away from my life So goodnight A little bit of rain I'd say is fair But when it starts to thunder they all stare This isn't goodnight, this is goodbye... So goodnight, goodnight You're embarrassing me You're embarrassing you So goodnight, goodnight. Walk away from the door Walk away from my life So goodnight, goodnight You're embarrassing me You're embarrassing you So goodnight, goodnight Walk away from the door Walk away from my life So goodnight dare to sleep.

The Age Old Statement [29 Jan 2010|10:48am] [ mood | bitchy ] Right now, at this very moment, I'd like to make a statement that has possibly been made since the beginning of time, and been shared by countless females over the course of history. That men are idiots. Oh you heard me right you XY chromosome carrying gender you. Right now, there's a part of me that knows I'm being irrational, but I've had it up to here with..with..feeling like I have to compete with stories and words coming out of your imagination for your time. Ok, maybe right now, only one person I know is being an idiot. <.< When I want to talk to you about something, you're either - busy - tired - sleeping - all of the above. Oh, I know I'm sulking. I keep on telling myself to get a grip. That I must be understanding. But damn it. You're probably not going to call anyway, because hey ho hidey ho, look at the time, you just woke up and you have classes to teach and rehearsals to go to and people to meet and pubs to sing at and poetry slams to visit. And after that, its story writing time. I feel like a dog begging for scraps of your time. You're not going to be reading my blog anyway, so its not like you're going to comment. Haiz. Fine. I'm being terribly irritating. Right now, you're an idiot. <.< I still love you though. EDIT: Well, you called, and apologised. I apologised too. Lets work on things, so that they can get better. *hugs* dare to sleep.

Deformed Adam's Apples [22 Jan 2010|03:44pm] [ mood | blah ] I have concluded that it is very much possible to be absolutely lazy on a Friday afternoon. Especially when it rained in the morning, and it took all of your willpower to roll yourself out of bed. Haiz. Id like a chocolate cookie right about now. My body has been cramping up for a while. Achy shoulders, a sore neck, bones that crack all the time. I'm 21, but I feel like Im 60. Im terribly worried about Neng Nong. Shall bring him to the vet real soon. I think he has a furball, he's coughing all the time now. and his overgrooming thing is seriously getting out of hand. he's looking like a Garfield with a shaved butt. o_O Can i just call it a day, and go home and sleep? AArgh, so tempting. In other news, Teh Boyfriend has gotten his groove back. Teaching poetry to primary school kids, taking part in a musical over at Lasalle, preparing to go to Lasalle in April..its all good. Good thing about Lasalle is that its pretty near my workplace, so he and I can pretty much meet anytime. =) Lovely. Oh, and The Killers are not performing in Singapore, and they're probably disbanding. WTH. Ciao! deranged dreams: 1 | dare to sleep.

Def Poetry FTW [19 Jan 2010|10:55am] [ mood | artistic ] I give myself a facepalm on being so incredibly slow on this. Just discovered Def Poetry on youtube thanks to Teh Boyfriend, and I've been laughing and crying, one after another, over beautiful poems performed so passionately. There's so many I want to share, but this one, is just beautiful. Quote of the Day: Do not let this Universe regret you. dare to sleep.

Lady Gaga <3 [11 Jan 2010|11:28am] [ mood | cranky ] Yes, this made me laugh so much this morning. Absolute genius. XD deranged dreams: 2 | dare to sleep.

Bah. Hormones. [11 Jan 2010|10:39am] [ mood | cranky ] There are times when a smile from a child makes the world all better, where dragon shaped clouds brings laughter to your soul, where ice cream and cookies are melt-in-your-mouth divine, where a story shared from a dear friend reminds you of Life's simple pleasures, where a hug from the one you love is enough to give you strength.. Then there are times where you just want to scream out loud in pain, agony, and general irritability because everything about the world is just not going your way and your back hurts and because your two blisters on your feet are painfully annoying which were caused by the fact that you finally decide to be healthy and your stomach feels like shit and your womb feels like shit and you surprise even yourself by the amount of shit that you just generated in the silence of Teh Toilet Bowl and you don't even know what you want to eat for lunch even though you're terribly hungry and you just want to lash out at Teh Boyfriend because he's the nearest person in your general vicinity and you hate your dreams and detest your nightmares and you just want to feel happy again and how you really wish that IRRITATING PEOPLE SHOULD JUST DIE. Oh yeah. I'm in a mood alright. In other news, I saw a baby crocodile in the big drain on my way to work. It looked lost. And no, that was not a figment of my imagination. Stop judging me! (XD Seriously though. I hate that time of the month.) deranged dreams: 2 | dare to sleep.

Heart Wishes [06 Jan 2010|02:27pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] Reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert made me remember heartfelt prayers and wishes that I have made, over the course of my life. And how, in more ways then one, they all did come true. But its true what they say, wishes do come true. Just not in the way that you planned it to be. dare to sleep.

Talk about lemon bombs [05 Jan 2010|11:25pm] [ mood | tired ] Why is it that when he finally tries to take a step forward, you slam him down and bring up all his past wrongdoings? Times like this I feel so drained. But perseverance is key after all. Just have to keep at it. dare to sleep.

First Day Of The New Year And... [04 Jan 2010|04:39pm] [ mood | blah ] I dont feel like working. XD Still holiday mood sia. Can't help it. Long hours of sleep, I shall miss thee. dare to sleep.

2010 Resolutions, to make and keep [01 Jan 2010|03:32pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Some song by Demi Lavato ] Things That I Plan To Do For 2010 1. Start Properly Saving Yup. Im working, but I dont have savings. Bills and loans just take everything up. But No More! Save! Save! Save! 2. Take up dance classes I want to do this. I miss having something I could do, just for the fun of it, and be good at it. So yeah, dance classes. Was thinking of Jitterbugs, and sticking through it. Plus, it'll be a good way to keep fit. Im hoping that looking at the statuesque dancer bodies of other dancers will spur me on to go to the gym and get rid of Teh Flab That Is My Tummy. I hope. *closes my eyes and hopes fervently* 3. Be a lot more efficient at work. Honestly, I'd love to have the chance to work overseas, for a couple of months at least. Just to experience working life in another office. I have my sights on London, just because. I mean, its the head office for the BBC. Who wouldnt want the chance to work there? Plus, it'd be lovely to meet Daniella again. I miss that lady mucho. So, that would mean being a hell lot more efficient at work. I've always been complaining about the amount of work I get. Colleagues that irritate, etc etc. Now, its time for a good dose of positive thinking, and starting the new year being on top of things. 4. Be my own person, while at the same time being a better daughter and sister. 2009 was a rollercoaster. There are times when I feel tremendously stifled. When I feel torn between wanting to be the filial daughter, and wanting to do things just for myself. Am I being selfish? Am I being my own person? Always, this confusion. Things that I think that are right, and true, ends up causing grief and pain. My family is very important to me. But I wish to find out things for myself. And to not be scolded and/or reprimanded for it all the time. I wish to find me. To remember the things that made me happy. To love myself again. This also means to see things as they are. To open my eyes. To not be blinded by pettiness. To see the truth of things. To not impose my hopes onto other people, and be blind to whether they are ready or not to share those hopes with me. To have the courage to make the wise decision. And always, always, to have faith, that at the end of the day, that I will be happy. 5. To understand my father. I wish to be rid of the negative feelings that are in me, deep down. Of the resentment that I feel sometimes towards my father. To see him as he is. And to love him, just the same. Sometimes, I need to be reminded that whatever he has done for me, it was always stemming from the fact that he loves me. I need to remember that fact. 6. To be a better friend. I have friends who are like family to me. Suhayla, Jihan, Farah, Syafiq, Abbas, Zaini, Saiful. I love them to bits and pieces. We're all going to end up living in Sengkang with our significant others one day, no sweat. Not to mention Pika. Muna. Razin. Fadzley. And my friends in poly, and my colleagues at work. Rachel Ann Monkman, here's my shoutout to you. Im honestly glad that you're both my colleague and my friend. We're going to make it in this industry, fo' sho! However, I have lost friends as well in 2009. Friendships that meant something to me are broken. Perhaps one day, it will mend. Right now, time away is what is needed. So, I think I need to be a better friend. To not be blind to what the other party might be feeling at the time regarding a situation, no matter how petty it might seem to me. I'm not in their shoes, I do not understand what they're going through. At the very least, to be empathetic. 7. To be an awesomer girlfriend. Yes, I made a new word again. XD I found someone who loves me in 2009. We've gone through so much drama, he and I. He has been there for me when the chips were down. He makes me smile, he makes me happy, and makes me cry all at the same time. I wish for us to be stronger as a couple. So that when the drama comes, if and when it comes, we're all the more prepared to face it. Love you my love. I'll keep on working to be an awesomer girlfriend. =) 8. To learn and be good at Tarot Card reading It kees me steady, and its my outlet to centre myself. Hopefully one day, I'll be very good at it. For now, I'll just settle on learning what all the cards mean, and successfully spreading the cards in a rainbow instead of scattering them across the table. Like got no class like that walao. <.< Well, thats that. 2010, I'm coming for you! deranged dreams: 5 | dare to sleep.

I jump off this rollercoaster to surf on a tsunami [31 Dec 2009|12:23pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Baby by LL Cool J feat The Dream ] god damn. 2009 has been the craziest year ever in my life. I remember how all of last year I kept on wishing for something exciting to happen. God damn. It was like the floodgates for 'Exciting' decided to break open into my life this year. (ok, not the best description, but it works.) Honestly, one hell of a rollercoaster. Meeting you. Family went insane. Accidents. Hospital visitations. Relationship issues. Losing friends and colleagues. Making new ones. I have never cried so much in one year. Nor laughed so much and had such fond memories in that same year either. For 2010, I'm going to ask for exciting things to happen yet again. But to also find balance and healthy, happy experiences in my life. Between myself, work, family, love, and Life. 2010, here I come! dare to sleep.

Mystical longings [24 Dec 2009|06:51pm] [ mood | calm ] Tarot Cards. Ive always wanted to learn them. Or at least have some form of knowledge on them. But somehow, it just never seemed like the right time. I guess I'll give it a shot. dare to sleep.

A letter from someone who cares [11 Dec 2009|11:10pm] [ mood | calm ] Well. At least now you know. And you apologized. And you're doing your best. You're taking your risks. Im not going to wait for you. You need to grow. Im proud of you, that you've realised it. And that you're taking your first steps into becoming a man. I am supporting you in that, whether you see me or not. I must let nature take its course. You cannot come back to me as you are. You need to grow, and I have to let you go. We are finished. But you calmed me down now. I've let my anger go, and for that, I am grateful. I let you go. Become the best person that I know you are, somewhere inside. Let him come out. Let him shine. dare to sleep.

Now this is an awesome song [11 Dec 2009|11:05pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Howl by Florence and the Machine ] The lyrics in this song is rather poetic. And the song is just lovely. =) Howl by Florence And The Machine If you could only see the beast you've made of me I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to Howl, howl Howl, howl Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground Like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins I want to find you, tear out all of your tenderness And howl, howl Howl, howl Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters Hunters, hunters, hunters Hunters, hunters, hunters The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground And howl Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright If you could only see the beast you've made of me I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground dare to sleep.

Time is all we have [08 Dec 2009|05:49pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | Time by Billy Porter ] Time by Billy Porter What is time? Is it the autumn leaves that change? Or the snow that floats from the sky What is Time? Is it the air we breathe? Or the wings that teach The new born bird to fly Who can tell? I don’t know Will we change? Will we grow? What is time? Is it eternity In heaven Or just a hope for peace on earth Where’s the time Gone in a blink of an eye But with every blink a birth We live We learn We love In time We give We yearn We grow In time Time for change Its time to care It’s not too late Don’t despair Reach inside your heart To find the joy and love To share with all mankind For all we know All we have Is time dare to sleep.

Better to remember the good times [07 Dec 2009|11:46am] [ mood | distressed ] Hmm. I once read a story about a girl who had a fight with her best friend. She went to the beach and sat down on the sand. She wrote on the sand. I fought with my best friend today And let the tide wash it away. She then went to a big huge rock by the sea, and carved the following on the rock. I love my best friend. I probably skewered the details of the story, but the gist is this. To let the bad times wash away like the writings on the sand, and to remember the good times. I've been wallowing in misery for a while now. The pain gets unbearable sometimes. And I start lashing out. I start getting angry, and blame you for everything. I call myself weak and stupid for trusting you. There's a part of me that is angry. But no. No. I won't go down that path. Please, please, I dont want to be that person. Let me remember the good times. How you always took the time to walk me home, even when you were tired out from camp. How you would make funny faces and hand puppets whenever I was feeling sad, or when we needed to pass the time, in fast food restaurants on while commuting. How I could complain to you about work, and you'd be there. How you would call me every day before we both started work, and you would wish me good morning. Or how you would call me every night, to tell me a story to put me to sleep. How you brought me to the zoo and other random touristy places, even though you hated going to such places. Because I wanted to go there. How you sent me champagne roses to work, even when you hardly had the money to do that. Or how you loved me enough to not take everything for me, even when you could. I shall remember the good times. And let you go. dare to sleep.

I is stealing lyrics [02 Dec 2009|11:28pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | Fairytale by Alexander Ryband ] Its December already?! I have a bagload of DVDs to watch. That is why I <3 Editlounge and 2x Jump and Kenn@Splice Studios where they have the awesomest DVD collection I have ever encountered. Thank you Kenn! \o/ I foresee many dates with my DVD player and the TV. I have a really bad craving for ice cream. Having Teh GirlFriends (Wifey, Jihan, and Farah) come visit me over at the office was lovely. The rain did spoil things a bit, but it was lovely just the same. I can barely believe that we've been friends for nearly 8 years now. I also can't believe that I've actually promised you guys expensive kitchen utensils for all your prospective weddings. I swear, I have to start saving now. x.x Ahh, don't you just adore Disney? I want to watch the latest Disney movie when it comes out. The Princess and the Frog, or something like that. It looks lovely. =) And yes, another song! Cinderella by The Cheetah Girls When I was just a little girl My momma used to tuck me into bed and she'd read me a story It always was about a Princess in distress And how a guy would save her and end up with the glory I'd lie in bed and think about the person that I want to be Then one day I realized the fairy tale life wasn't for me I don't wanna be like Cinderella Sittin' in a dark old dusty cellar Waiting for somebody, to come and set me free I don't wanna be like Snow White waiting For a handsome prince to come and save me On a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side Don't want to depend on no one else I'd rather rescue myself Someday I'm gonna find someone who wants my soul, heart, and mind Who's not afraid to show that he loves me Somebody who will understand I'm happy just the way I am Don't need nobody taking care of me I will be there for him just as strong as he will be there for me When I give myself then it has to got to be, an equal thing I don't wanna be like Cinderella Sittin' in a dark old dusty cellar Waiting for somebody, to come and set me free I don't wanna be like Snow White waiting For a handsome prince to come and save me On a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side Don't want to depend on no one else I'd rather rescue myself I can slay, my own dragons I can dream, my own dreams My knight in shining armour is me So I'm gonna set me free I don't wanna be like Cinderella Sittin' in a dark old dusty cellar Waiting for somebody, to come and set me free I don't wanna be like Snow White waiting For a handsome prince to come and save me On a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side Don't want to depend on no one else I'd rather rescue myself Adios! dare to sleep.

Song Therapy For The Win [30 Nov 2009|05:57pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Not Gon' Cry by Mary J. Blige ] Gosh. I never want to be the lady in this song. *nods* Especially the Eleven years of sacrifice bit. *faints* Not Gon' Cry by Mary J. Blige While all the time that I was loving you You were busy loving yourself I would stop breathing if you told me to Now your busy loving someone else 11 years out of my life Besides the kids I have nothing to show Wasted my years a fool of a wife I shoulda have left your ass a long time ago Well I'm not gon' cry, I'm not gon' cry I'm not gon' shed no tears No, I'm not gon' cry, it's not the time Cuz your not worth my tears Well I'm not gon' cry, I'm not gon' cry I'm not gon' shed no tears No, I'm not gon' cry, it's not the time Cuz you're not worth my tears I was your lover and your secretary Working every day of the week Was at the job when no one else was there Helping you get on your feet 11 years of sacrifice And you can leave at the drop of a dime Swallowed my fears, stood by your side I shoulda left your ass a thousand times Well I'm not gon' cry, I'm not gon' cry I'm not gon' shed no tears No, I'm not gon' cry, it's not the time Cuz your not worth my tears Well I'm not gon' cry, I'm not gon' cry I'm not gon' shed no tears No, I'm not gon' cry, it's not the time Cuz you're not worth my tears I know there are no guarantees In love you take your chances But somehow it seems unfair to me Look at the circumstances Through sickness and health, 'till death do us part Those were the words that we said from our heart So now that you say that you're leaving me I don't get that part I was your lover and your secretary Working every day of the week Was at the job when no one else was there Helping you get on your feet 11 years of sacrifice And you can leave at the drop of a dime Swallowed my fears, stood by your side I shoulda left your ass a thousand times Well I'm not gon' cry, I'm not gon' cry I'm not gon' shed no tears No, I'm not gon' cry, it's not the time Cuz your not worth my tears Well I'm not gon' cry, I'm not gon' cry I'm not gon' shed no tears No, I'm not gon' cry, it's not the time Cuz you're not worth my tears In other news, did anybody remember what new year's resolutions they made for 2009? Im trying to remember mine. I think it involved me losing weight. XD Well, I did lose a bit of weight when I was at the hospital, but I probably got it back. Anybody remember theirs? =) dare to sleep.

A little happiness in my life [28 Nov 2009|10:53pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Havent Met You Yet by Michael Buble ] Haven't met you yet I'm Not Surprised Not Everything Lasts I've Broken My Heart So Many Times, I Stop Keeping Track. Talk Myself In I Talk Myself Out I Get All Worked Up And Then I Let Myself Down. I Tried So Very Hard Not To Loose It I Came Up With A Million Excuses I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet Mmmmm .... I Might Have To Wait I'll Never Give Up I Guess It's Half Timing And The Other Half's Luck Wherever You Are Whenever It's Right You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me And Now I Can See Every Possibility Mmmmm ...... And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get I Just Haven't Met You Yet They Say All's Fair And In Love And War But I Won't Need To Fight It We'll Get It Right And We'll Be United And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility Mmmm ..... And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out And I'll Work To Work It Out Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet I Just Haven't Met You Yet Oh Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love ..... I Just Haven't Met You Yet Love Love Love ..... I Just Haven't Met You Yet This song makes me happy. And its apt. I need a little happy feelings in me right now. I'm going to be alright. No matter what, I know, I'm going to be alright. Life's too short to mope. To shed tears over a situation I can't do anything about. To retaliate and lash out and be moody over. I've spent enough time making myself seem so terribly pathetic. Yesterday was the last straw for me. I don't ever want to feel that low ever again. Or act that low ever again. It was horrible. Not anymore. Not anymore. So, come friends. Remind me what makes me, me. =) Loves to all! deranged dreams: 2 | dare to sleep.

Secret Wishes [25 Nov 2009|04:44pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Jonas Armstrong reading a CBeebies bedtime story ] I have a secret wish. I know you're not supposed to say it out loud, lest you jinx it. But I have a secret wish. It lies quietly in my heart, a secret stash of hope. Always there, quiet and observing. A secret wish. Let it grow. Let it grow. dare to sleep.

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